Showering with an Introvert

Standing naked in the shower after a hot day of biking on this tour, I tried to use one of the poles as a barrier to the mass of women mulling around on the tile. Laughter, bursts of conversation, and their contentment of their own bodies made this necessary bathing even more intolerable. I knew no one and was a true introvert.

I signed up for the ADVENTURE as I needed and wanted connection, to stretch myself beyond my zone of comfort, and yet, there I was - exposed and embarrassed. Why is shame an emotion you feel for being, what seems, the only one without a friend? 

I wanted to go home.

Memory – Middle School Group Showers. The physical education teachers lined a table by the entrance - waiting for the students to soap up and stand in front of them raising our arms and spreading eagle. They would make sure you soaped everything before we were let loose to rinse off and dress. BUT if you were on your period, you had to PROVE it to these women before being excused from the shower, then stand at the cold, wet sink basins for a "birdie bath" - washing up completely as girls came and went out of the room. At that time, shame, embarrassment, anger perhaps, and vulnerability, was intensified due to my being an introvert. 

Back in the camp shower, my poor exposed bottom, legs wobbly from the humidity, body burning with sandy sweat made the dread palpable, powerful and deep. I wanted to disappear. If I close my eyes, can I be invisible? 

Strange for me, this biking tour created in me a brutal exhaustion. Hours of biking over the years made me rather fit and healthy. But now, the chores of setting up camp, eating in a crowded and steamy cafeteria, and having an empty evening ahead to fill was overwhelming. As an introvert, you tend to lose energy in groups of people and am sure that was my issue.

I dreamed of home but the smell of DIAL soap burning my nostrils brought me back to the present in this sanctuary of young priestesses. How do you start a conversation with a naked bather? I almost laughed but remembered I was an introvert. 

I quickly pulled my wash cloth from the plastic bag and gasped as it plopped on the soapy and gritty floor. Knowing my next move was to bend over to pick up the cloth, I broke into a jittery mess. Best get to it, so in humiliation I exposed my cheeks to these teenyboppers to get the cloth and stuck it under my armpit as THERE WAS NO SHELF AVAILABLE.

Wrapping my hand towel around my body, I exited the tile floor only to run into a group of entering women. Scooting out to the lockers, my still wet body magically dressed in clean clothes, I left the building, holding my shoes, into the humid outdoors.

Group showers are the worst. Dislike, dread, dread, dread.

An Introvert Story.